So you do realise it? And yet you choose to remain this way? I know you're not a sadist...so why do you keep on doin that? The thought that you could smile when sayin that you realise how you've been.... It's piercing.
Why huh? Did I deserve that? You turn it all on me all the time...it's always my fault...right? Or was it? To choose to journey with you, to make those promises and to STICK to the promises with my all...to care, to give of myself in ways that I have NEVER given before? All the time, the care, the love, the concern...have they all come together in a big pile of nothing-ness? Have they ended up as things done with an ulterior motive?? My...to call this is a very sad moment would be a gross understatement...
I AM STLL WILLING TO TAKE IT ALL. Nobody likes to be treated like a doormat...But hey, I dun feel like that..and even if it seems that way, I know I have a good reason behind why I'm still going at it... even when things seem this way. I have always tried to be true..and yes it really hurts when you throw it all back in my face like that... I'm human too..but nevermind you know...sometimes, life calls for us to be better than we normally are. And you, are reason enough. But please, cut me some slack. No matter what, i'm still here, willing to give you that opportunity to learn and grow and see the tuth in me. You know how I feel towards you..its the SAME before and that's the way it will be. ALWAYS.
Never say you don't have a choice. A promise is a promise. Now give that promise a chance. Seriously. And give it a chance WITH ALL YOUR HEART.
P.s. I'm sorry for using the word 'why'... P.p.s. For all those thinking of a career in the Psych/Counselling line, please think hard. It has it rewards..but it's definitely not for the weak at heart.
- please, I dont know how much longer... but I'm willing -
6:44 PM
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Its odd sometimes
This thing called 'practice what you preach'...
Yeah I know i've said a lot..and yes, im truly holding up and sticking to my words.
But sometimes, it just gets so hard...not that im giving up..but really, there's only so much one can do without support, affirmation and reciprocation...agreed?
Well, thank God for God...If not for Him, I dunno man.
And this blog space..I truly appreciate this area where I can air my opinions and just say it whenever I want to...knowing me, I LOVE TO TALK...and it really gets me down when people tell me to stuff it or juz shut up.. I can truly empathise with a few others who have recently spoken about not being 'heard' or being taken for granted...I know how it feels and yes, it sucks.
In our lives, we seek to please...please ourselves and those around us..knowingly or unknowingly. That's just the way it is...in a way, that's what makes us a unified species.. WE NEED EACH OTHER... that's what makes us human.
I need love, I need affirmation, I need tangible actions of care and concern to be directed my way; so sue me. Yeah I'm a guy..but above all, I am human too...so lets ditch this 'gotta be macho' nonsense ya, thanks. I will give, without expecting anything in return..how noble, right? I have been thinking about this sentence a lot...well, I believe that love begets love...in that way, when we show care & concern, it's bound to come our way right...well, at least that's the idea.
The problem starts when we give and for some strange reason, nothing comes back...worse still, if we get even more bitterness back in return. It's confusing...and yes, it hurts. So ya, about the saying, dun expect anything in return... aye? Then what about the things that are SUPPOSED to come our way, without being asked for?... What happens if they dont? Yes, I dare say supposed because everyone is entitled to their fair share of the pie. So in this case, when we yearn for something that IS OURS but isn't being given to us, is it wrong?
I know many out there will prolly scoff at this post and abt how thick-skinned it all seems..but hey, think about it.. I dare admit to my humble humanity..and the needs that come along with it..do you? And well, may the first person who has not felt this way cast the first insult, I'm all ears.
Coming back to the point about how I love the freedom that this space gives me, I must say, I kinda contradict myself...cos there are many times when i hold back and put things in a nicer way...or not post about a certain thing at all. I feel that although it may sound stupid that I feel restricted in my own space, I guess we are all held accountable for our actions and well, in a way, it still is about pleasing those around me :)
Oh well...
As for Idol today, I'd say that David Archuleta did a pretty fine job..and surely stole the limelight this evening. His second song was really mellow...but it has its deeper meaning. Cool.
LOVE ME TENDER
Love me tender, Love me sweet, Never let me go. You have made my life complete, And I love you so.
Love me tender, Love me true, All my dreams fulfilled. For my darlin I love you, And I always will.
Love me tender, Love me long, Take me to your heart. For its there that I belong, And well never part.
Love me tender, Love me dear, Tell me you are mine. Ill be yours through all the years, Till the end of time.
(when at last my dreams come true Darling this I know Happiness will follow you Everywhere you go).
I CONTRADICT...and I ADMIT
- Random Realities -
11:44 PM
.::ME::.
Edward Isaac
22 =)
ak_hybrid@hotmail.com
Youth Liturgy Ministry, CTK
